one little word™ 2020: HOME

I chose the word HOME as my one little word® this year, and man, oh man, has it been present in my (all of our) days. I have been HOME teaching my students remotely. There hasn’t been anywhere else to go or to be other than HOME. Stay HOME, say all the guys in charge.

But that’s not why I’m popping on the blog with this post. I wanted to chat about what else this word means for me this year. I talked about it on the podcast, but I also want the words to live here.

I chose the word HOME because it felt right for it to follow FOUND. The two are very intertwined. Here’s how I’m thinking about my one little word this year:

HOME INSIDE MYSELF: I feel like I’ve found a space in my existence that feels like home, like a HOME inside myself. I’m able to cope and skillfully manage my anxiety. I’m no longer running from fears I’ve had for over 20 years, but facing them, exposing myself to the false alarms and habitualizing to them with ERP. This has resulted in a peace & calm inside I’ve never truly felt before.

BUILDING A HOME WITH MY MAN: I’ve found a person that feels like HOME from back HOME and who I can see building a HOME with - and my priority is there. MY TOP PRIORITY IS RIGHT THERE.

In Season 3, episode 3 of This Is Us, Rebecca runs into Jack at the grocery store and tells him her dreams to move to LA or NY and become a singer. She turns the question on him and asks “Do you have a dream?” His response has always stayed with me. He says, “A decent job. A wife, family, a house that feels nothing like the one I grew up in.” (GOD, I loved the first 3 seasons of that show!) I feel like most of my adult life, I’ve prioritized career and status - like Rebecca - but as I grow older and wiser, my priorities have shifted to those that sound more like Jack’s.

The longest lasting wish I’ve had has been to be a mom and raise a family in a happy HOME with an awesome partner. I always naively thought those were things that fell upon you - while pursuing career or other adventures - but truth is you have to make choices to include those things in your life. Everything is a choice.

AT HOME WITH TEACHING: I found myself back into teaching and found my stride with it. Actually, I take that back: you never find your stride in teaching. BUT, I have found my confidence and capabilities in spite of not feeling like I have a stride. Most importantly, this job will help me build and support my HOME.

HOME FOR MY CREATIVITY: Now that I’ve developed a bit of a routine in teaching, my creativity has had the space and desire to resurface. Question is: where are the best HOMES for the different aspects of my creativity? I’ve asked myself how can I make this website a HOME for the things I have to share? I’ve already been working on that. How can I use my creativity in teaching? When do I use an album? my planner? this website? my IG grid? or my IG stories? to do all the documenting I love to do? Halloween costumes. Christmas cards. Birthday parties. Home decor. Outfits I put together. Where’s the HOME?

MY BODY AS MY HOME: This has been a big one. I had recently stepped on the scale and saw a number for my weight that was the largest number I’ve ever seen. It scared me a little because I’m 35 and this body just doesn’t perform the way it did 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I want to take care of it. I want to support it, so it can support me.

It is priority for me to make this HOME for my being healthy and strong. It will hopefully house some babies. It will hopefully carry me through many more years of my life. What am I doing if not tuning into it, listening to what it really needs, and appreciating every inch of it?!

HOME AS IN ‘WHERE DO WE WANT TO LIVE’?: In the most literal sense, Tom and I have been wondering where we want our home to be? Where are we going to settle down and live? Our relationship is still pretty fresh, so we don’t have to make a decision now, but we both have started to think about it. We haven’t come up with much, but it’s on our minds.

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Aside from all the above proving why I chose HOME for this year, the scene in The Office when Michael leaves and Pam describes his exit also sums it up. “No, he wasn’t sad,” Pam says, “he was full of hope...he was just real excited to get HOME and see Holly.”

I get it. I get it now more than ever. // Excited to let you know how the rest of this year with this word turns out.