I said YES TO A DRESS!
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YOU GUYYYYYS! Breathe out with me: PHEWWWWF! A week ago, I said "YES" to a dress! ...well, it’s more of a three-part wedding look involving a dress (you’ll see what I mean below) but the point is I said "YES" to it. It took me five weeks, about a dozen different salons, and an amazing bridal stylist and her seamstress side-kick to do so, but IT HAPPENED! What an immense relief!
That’s the short version of it, but if you’re like me and prefer the long story NOT short, then grab yourself a nice cup of your favorite beverage and settle down in front of your screen. This is no Cinderella tale — but there is a Fairy GOWNmother of sorts who swoops in to save the day.
Here we go - my story of the journey to saying YES TO A DRESS…
It all started on August 11th, 2021. Once Tom and I decided we were going to have our wedding in six months, it was full speed ahead and time to start looking for the dress. I booked appointments at a few local salons and when the question popped up on the online platform asking How many guests will be accompanying you on your visit? my fast answer was: ZERO.
I wanted to go by myself. I’ve seen enough Say Yes to the Dress episodes to know that the whole process is very overwhelming, and I wanted to get a feel for what it entails and how I felt about different dresses before dragging along any family for the ride.
My first appointment was at Lotus Bridal - no more than a 5 minute drive from my house. I showed the consultant some images I pinned and the vibe I was going for and she pulled a lot of mermaid style gowns for me to try. The one above and below were Badgley Mischka and I knew neither was The One but both were so pretty and fun nonetheless. I left feeling like it was an overall good appointment. It went faster than I thought, but good. It was exciting to feel that the process had begun! I was officially wedding dress shopping!
A few days later, on a Monday morning, I visited Blossom Brides. While there, I was introduced to a designer called Pollardi, and was told anything by them that I try on and see can be altered and customized to better suit what I wanted. Change the shape? Like a different Pollardi texture better than another and want to swap them out? It could be done.
I tried on the full sparkly ball gown called GLOSS below and was shown how another bride took this big poufy gown and streamlined it into a mermaid fit. Pretty cool, huh?
So while I was trying this dress and that dress at Blossom, the consultant pulled the Pollardi JULY gown below and showed me different things that could be done with it. She pinned the full skirt to a tighter silhouette, she pulled the overskirt up and showed me what it would look like if the sparkly lining were to be exposed. We talked changing the overlay skirt into something I could take off and on…it was all very interesting. Soon I found myself saying “This is the one to beat!”
When my appointment at Blossom was almost finished, I pulled a wild card and asked the consultant to find me a long sleeve option out of the blue. The dress she pulled was the Élyseé NOOR gown below and with only about five minutes left in the appointment I twirled around, snapped pics of all the angles, and discovered I also really loved this one! Okay - two contenders for sure!
I think now is the point in the story where I reveal that at the beginning of every appointment, I was slipping in the idea of possibly wearing TWO (!!!) different dresses on the wedding day.
You see, Tom and I are getting married at our childhood church - in February - and for the ceremony, all I kept and keep imagining is wearing something with sleeves. However, for the reception, we supposedly booked the HOTTEST group of guys in DJ entertainment on Long Island and I’m hoping to sweat my balls off at our super lit wedding dance party. See where I’m going with this? One dress couldn’t possibly work for both completely different experiences, could it?
I didn’t have the answer. The wedding dress shopping would continue.
…aaannnddd - let’s be real - if you live in one of the five boroughs of New York City and you’re engaged and wedding dress shopping, where else would you go besides the Mecca of bridal gowns? None other than Kleinfeld, of course!
Kleinfeld is every bit as glamorous and impressive as you’d think it be. The lobby was everything and more! The appointment was not, but the space and energy definitely live up to the expectations Say Yes to the Dress gives to a bride.
I again attended this appointment by myself. I took a NYC day trip on Friday, August 20th knowing I’d be taking the moms & sisters with me to NYC the following weekend. I wanted to do the legwork myself to prevent dragging them all around for nothing. I wanted to develop a specific plan for the day we’d be together and I needed to know if Kleinfeld was going to be a part of it.
I was picked up in the lobby by one of my favorite consultants on the show, and she was sweet and enthusiastic and lovely. She pulled a few dresses for me and this one was my favorite…
…but as you can see below, the handful of dresses all kinda look the same lined up next to each other. That’s what happened at a lot of appointments: I felt like the consultant was pulling the same dress over and over again. I knew I needed something more special. I was missing the WOW factor - the something about the dress that made it ME and could work for both the ceremony and reception or one of them, if I were to go the two dress route.
See how confusing the dress hunt can get? Deep sigh. On with the search! I left Kleinfeld grateful I got to the experience it, but knowing I’d never go back, and my NYC travels that day brought me to Glamour Closet.
Now, Glamour Closet was something else! With only one attendant on site, I got to rummage the small studio, pulling 8 (no more, no less) dresses to try on, and if any were The One, then I’d get to leave with that exact one that day. It was a sample studio is what it was, but I tell you, not being policed or brought something someone else thinks you might like made ALL THE DIFFERENCE. It was like the TJ MAXX of bridal salons, and I mean that in the best way. I didn’t find my dress there, but I highly recommend dropping in if you are in NYC wedding dress shopping because it’s an up-close and personal experience to different styles.
My next appointment, and last one on that day, was to Designer Loft. It’s another small NYC studio salon, and I appreciated the intimacy. I was greeted by my consultant KT who was kind and attentive. We discovered we basically had the same engagement ring, and then talked about my vision. I disclosed the ‘two dress’ idea and up we went to the racks to peruse and pull some styles.
She was an awesome consultant and I highly recommend her if you’re going to be visiting Designer Loft. She pulled one dress to compete with the long-sleeved lace NOOR dress I tried on last minute at Blossom - that could possibly be my ceremony dress, but the rest of the dresses we pulled together were all reception dress contenders. We were trying to see what would work with/after/following the traditional long-sleeve option. One of the ones we pulled was this super flirty dress with a slit:
I felt really pretty in it, and its lightness and openness meant it would work for the reception. It 100% couldn’t and wouldn’t work for the ceremony (God no!) much in the same way the traditional lace long-sleeved dress 100% wouldn’t work for the reception, but the two of them working together to meet the expectations of the wedding day? It just might work.
KT worked some of her magic and was pulling pieces to show me how they could alter the dress in different ways. In one instance she showed me how a thicker strap would look, and then - in all of our playing around - some feathers found their way onto the strap. We both kind of gasped and felt something ‘Amanda’ had just happened.
I stood in front of mirrors with those feather cap sleeves; I turned this way and that way. I imagined what Tom and my sister and others would think of them.
SIDE NOTE: Wedding dress shopping kicks up A BUTT LOAD of old issues that you spent good time and money on therapy learning how to manage. For me, my people-pleasing was running rampant! If I wasn’t trying to please the consultant and put her mind at ease and make her feel like she was doing a good job, then I was thinking about whether or not the dress I had on would please my mom or Tom’s mom or my sister or every guest at the party. It definitely added another layer of stress and overwhelm to the whole situation.
Good thing is :” I know this about myself - and can see it coming a mile away.
I left Designer Loft that day without saying YES to that feathered moment, but having more of an idea of where I would be taking the moms and sisters on our DRESS TRYING ON day the following week.
Can we just pause here for a moment and talk about taking family with you to look for dresses? Ok. Let’s pause and chat. I wanted to have a day together with them doing something fun in anticipation of the wedding - and coming along while I try on dresses is the most fun thing of them all. DUH. Nobody wants to help me choose my photographer or pick which photobooth I’m going to use. No - wedding dress shopping is the thing. The problem with that is: it’s probably THEE most personal choice of the whole event!
…so now the people I’ve been trying to please in my mind are actually coming along with me and I actually get to see their faces and reactions to dresses I’m trying on and…it’s A LOT. Let’s just leave it there: it’s A LOT.
—- —- —-
With all that said, Saturday August 28th comes along, we all made plans to meet at my mom’s house at 8am in the morning, and it’s raining raining raining.
I decided to wear the free t-shirt that the first salon had sent me for booking an appointment with them which read “Future Bride & So Much More”. I kind of like that sentiment because how often do brides-to-be feel like the ‘bride moment’ is the be-all-end-all of their life? Like, we’re going to be wives and daughter-in-laws and mothers — there is more in store and this is only the beginning. Anyway, that’s what I wore.
My sister showed up with champagne earrings:
I made everybody a mimosa to toast the day with and here’s what the toast ended up sounding like:
ME: Cheers!… MOM: …to a new beginning. SISTER: …and pretty dresses. ME: Haa haa!…and pretty dresses! HIS MOM: …to the pretty pretty… MY MOM: …and to the new in-laws! HIS MOM: …and our future grandchildren!
OH BOY. Haa haa! After our mimosa cheers we hopped into the car I ordered earlier that week to take us into the city for our first appointment at RK Bridal.
The moms sat together in the middle row, and I sat in between my sister and Tom sister all the way in the back. Tom texted me that he loved that we were all together. I replied “I do to.” I love love love my new conjoined family; I was so happy to be in their presence.
As the car drove us through the tunnel and into the city, the moms told us the story of how they found their wedding dresses and competed with each other for who paid less money for their whole wedding. Great.
We arrived at RK Bridal and this was the only appointment of the day that I hadn’t previously gone to. I figured this humungous warehouse of a shopping experience would be a good time for my entourage to explore and pull things they wanted to see on me and there would be so much selection, but that wasn’t what happened at all.
The doors opened and we were paired with a consultant right away. No time to browse or look or show her styles that caught my eye, nothing. She walked us right to the changing room in the back and talked with me for two minutes about where I was in my dress-hunting journey and what I was looking for and then she left us to pull a handful of dresses without my input on any of them. Haa Haa!
Here’s a tip: with each appointment, you need to go in pin-pointing EXACTLY what you want or don’t want. I think explaining EVERYTHING going on in my head to the consultant ended up diluting the main objective of what I wanted to get out of the super fast 45 minute exchange. What I now know I should have said at a lot of appointments is these two simple lines: DON’T SHOW ME ANYTHING WITH LACE. I WANT MODERN, TRENDY, AND FUN. That right there would have bypassed a lot of the traditional, lace appliqué styles I was brought that were beautiful, but just not what I wanted to wear for my wedding.
My RK appointment was probably the fastest appointment I had during by the whole 5 weeks I dress shopped. She brought a few dresses, lots we HARD NOs but I tried them on anyway since she was so sweet. She kept insisting I was going to find my dress there. She kept repeating “Your search is over! You’ll find it today!” It was pretty presumptuous if you ask me. She was well-intentioned, but like, what if I didn’t? Haa haa!
…AND I DIDN’T. (Surprise, surprise.) The one below was my favorite, but not The One. It did have big roses on the train, though, and I said “…look at the roses for Nana” (her name was Rose) and my mom said “Oh. my goodness, I was thinking the same thing.” That was nice - like my Nana was popping in to say ‘hello’. She would have LOOOOOVED this day OMG, and would have LOVED Tom and been so happy for me. *tear
But, you know, you can’t buy a dress because it reminds you of your Nana. And you can’t buy a dress because the consultant insists you’ll find it during their appointment. Nope. You have to keep on looking until you put something on and the air feels different. ON TO OUR NEXT APPOINTMENT.
For the second appointment of our busy NYC dress shopping day, I took my family back to Designer Loft to meet my sweet blonde consultant KT and check out the feather cap-sleeve moment that we had.
Designer Loft was so much more relaxed and fun than RK Bridal. My sister and his sister were able to browse the racks, and pull some of their favorites for me to try. Below was my sister’s pull - a Calla Blanche HAZEL dress - and when I walked out in this my entourage went wild: Oh yeah! That’s it! I think you found it. Oh, Amanda, it looks beautiful. It’s stunning! It’s gorgeous! It’s so elegant!
IT WAS SO NOT MY DRESS. My face said it, my body language said it, and it was at THAT very moment that I realized: my sweet family - who I loved having there with me that day more than anything - did NOT get my vision for this wedding. That was more than okay - and to be honest I hadn’t shared much with them about my vision for this wedding, but even if I did I don’t think they would have “got it” anyway.
They wanted me to buy a reasonably-priced, pretty, practical dress for my wedding. I wanted a modern, edgy showstopper dress - with two looks - one that would be special and have sleeves for the ceremony and one that I could flip and toss for fun and dance all night in at the reception. I needed my “look” to be a vibe, not just a pretty dress.
Oh yeah, and my feather cap-sleeved moment? It got the HARDEST NO the entourage could have supplied. It wasn’t even the feathers’ fault. They HATED that dress. Haa haa! Tom’s mom said it looked like I was wearing a slip. My mom’s face looking at me in it was contorted like she had a bad taste in her mouth. No, that wasn’t my dress. Looking back, I’m glad they turned it down so hard, but when you’re trying on and trying on an endless train of dresses you don’t like, the second one sparks some kind of emotion, you want to grab onto the feeling and not let go. I think that’s what happened with my feather moment dress, but alas, ‘twas not The One.
—- —- —-
At this point, the crew was getting hungry and a little bit restless, but from NYC we took a car to Long Island for our last and final appointment before lunch - back to Blossom Brides to try the two contenders back on and get some reactions.
First up was NOOR and when I slipped it back on, it was an easy crowd favorite. Even a bride favorite! It almost fit me perfectly, the consultant gave me a veil (even though I don’t think I want to wear one, but whatevs) and I did my runway show across the floor. Okay, NOOR, I see you! The only problem was - if I wear THIS for the ceremony, what would I wear to the reception? Both moms were trying to convince me that this would work for the reception too, but it was NOT what I wanted to wear there, no doubt about it.
So we decided to give the JULY gown a try next - the gown we would be making slimmer and creating an overskirt for, etc. Once we explained the changes we would make, and brainstormed with the group how we could make this one dress work for both the ceremony AND the reception, I started seeing head nods from the squad. They seemed to all like the idea that the dress, looking as it does below would be my reception/party look…
…and by adding beaded sleeves to match the bodice and taking the overskirt off - it would be my look for the ceremony (see image below).
Okay, I didn’t HATE IT. In fact, I thought, it could actually work. Everyone was smiling, cheering even. However, if you see my face below, I was squinting trying to picture it all. I’m usually a great visualizer - as creatives, we naturally just are - but at this point I felt like a Barbie doll that a kindergartener was dressing up.
This dress and the changes we were going to make were 95% there — it almost made it and it probably could have worked, but I think everybody (myself included) felt the pressure of wanting to land on something during this outting. The consultant asked me, “Are you saying ‘YES’ to this dress?” and I said “No.” Haa haa…I flat out said NO and blamed it on wanting to hear back from her about how much all the changes would cost, but the whole day was a lot I needed to process, and I wasn’t 100% there with it.
We left, ate lunch around the corner, and my sister was texting family members that I had found it. We even joked that it was called JULY and my favorite month is July and Tom proposed on 4th of July…but you can’t buy a dress because its named after your favorite month.
I had a great day with my ladies, I really did, but I wish the dress shopping wasn’t a part of it. It really stressed me out. You bring them along expecting, maybe, a tear to be shed by all when you know it’s the dress, but his mom was mostly confused and my mom was mostly indifferent. I loved the day nonetheless, but didn’t know how to process all that happened. I got home and went to bed really really early that day, wanting to wake up and just start fresh.
…and NOTHING says ‘fresh’ like a FRESH HAIRCUT. I got my hair trimmed the next morning and felt like I was shedding the build-up from the day before. I gave myself permission to NOT think about the dress. My plan was just to attend to the things I had on my agenda.I got my make-up done for a wedding we were going to in the evening, and I knowing I’d be all dolled up, I also scheduled our engagement shoot with my childhood best friend. We had a great time laughing and posing with her - and tip to new photographers: a fart machine that randomly goes off in the background works wonders for capturing those naturally candid laughing moments.
I ended up having a really amazing, relaxing day - which was just what the doctor ordered to relieve some of the pressure from the day before. Something else interesting I felt compelled to do: I booked another appointment at Lotus Bridal - the first salon I ever visited to try on dresses. Now that I had a lot more dress shopping experience under my belt, I thought I might has well circle back and push RESTART to truly see if the JULY dress I landed on with the crew would really be The One. (The fact that I wanted to keep looking might have been the sign, but it was what I was drawn to do, so I did it.)
The next day, Monday August 30th, I showed up for my 2pm appointment at Lotus Bridal (because if I didn’t, they charge you a $50 no show fee) met with my new consultant Lexi and said, “Lexi, I’ve been shown a lot of lace. We need to restart here and I need to you show me the most non-tradish, sleek and modern dress you have in the store.” She thought about it for a moment and pulled one dress saying, “This is the only thing we have like that…”
She pulled the strapless head-to-toe sequins fitted dress above and as soon as I laid eyes on it, it hit me with the right vibe. I’m usually not a big fan of strapless anything, but I was like, “OMG. Let’s try that on.”
It ended up being the only thing I slipped on during that appointment, and even though the bottom half was a little tight (story of my life) the top half fit me perfectly and it WOWed me. YASSSSS, I thought to myself.
I couldn’t stop smiling under my mask. My consultant, the owner of the salon, and some of the alterations ladies all started to gather around me and swoon. I know they work there and it’s their job to sell the dress and all, but I felt something different in the air. I loved it, they loved it, and something just clicked.
I left knowing that I wanted to spend my wedding day in this dress. It had the right look and vibe for the trendy modern chic motif I am going for.
I nervously texted my sister the picture above of me in THE DRESS. My sister was so sure we had found the dress already on our mother/sister dress shopping trip. What was she going to think about this new dress?
Well, she did not think very much of it. She replied to my picture with an unsure emoji face, and commented that the dress was pretty, but not very bridal. She said it looked like Jessica Rabbit was getting married!
Looking back now, I adore calling it the ‘Jessica Rabbit dress’ but at the moment she first said it my heart sank. Truth was, my sister was right. However, she wasn’t in my head thinking about all the ways that I could make my Jessica Rabbit wedding dress work! I knew I couldn’t walk into the church the way I tried it on, but a sheer organza overdress with sleeves and a train would work just fine for the ceremony. I just didn’t know where to start to make that happen.
I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. I knew this was my dress, but I knew it couldn’t be the only thing I wore the whole wedding day, but it would be the main piece that tied all the pieces together. Knowing what I wanted to do, but not knowing how to get it done, I reached out to Francesca, STYLIST TO THE BRIDE.
Francesca is cousins with my good friend from high school so I have followed her on social media for years. She’s been involved in the bridal world forever, and when she found out I was engaged, she reached out to me explaining her services. At the time she reached out, I thought to myself: Why would anyone need help finding their bridal gown? They just shop at a couple of salons, try on the one, order it, and wear it on the wedding day. Little did I know how STRESSFUL the process would be, and how HARD it would be to make the decision. I knew at this point in my wedding dress shopping journey, I needed her help.
We met up at a local coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon for a consultation. I told her everything you’ve read so far above, and the new course I was on with my sequins Jessica Rabbit gown. We brainstormed, she sketched some ideas, we researched some designers on the Internet, and I showed her some of my favorite inspiration on my Pinterest board. By the end of our consultation, she made me feel like the ideas in my head were doable and that I was headed in a worthwhile direction.
We made a plan. Francesca was going to meet me at Lotus to see my Jessica Rabbit dress for herself in person and make sure I wasn’t delusional about loving it. She was going to check the fit and see if there was a possibility of buying the sample for less money. We also were going to play around with what we could throw over it.
On Wednesday, September 15, that’s just what we did. I met Fran after work at the salon. We chatted and waited to be taken to the back. When it was our time I walked to the dressing room and my dress - in all it’s sparkly glory - was hanging in the changing room, waiting for me. I slipped it on over my Spanx, walked out, and was happy as a clam to have it on.
It’s SOOOO my dress - and Fran’s reaction confirmed it. Then, she stepped into action. She started grabbing veils and draping them over me, knowing I wanted some kind of sheer overskirt look for the beginning of the reception. We tried an ACTUAL overskirt that the salon had, but there was too much fabric and it was way too bulky. Such valuable information.
The image BELOW was the right idea: more of a super sheer peplum that I could grab and swing and sway while making my entrance and dancing! This shall be my reception look!
I was so thankful Fran was there - able to start to make my vision come to life and the dress ‘mission impossible’ feel more possible. I started referring to her as my Fairy GOWNmother, making magic happen.
I was so mentally EXHAUSTED after this salon trip with Fran, but happy we nailed down the reception overskirt look.
I loved everything about it, but before I could say a definitive YES, two things had to happen: (1) I had to talk to my sister and get her on board with my Jessica Rabbit dress and it’s various looks, and (2) I had to see what transpired from Fran and my NYC day trip to try one more salon and then meet with her go-to seamstress. I was nervous, but excited - and off I went the following day.
Gosh, I love this look! Could it be any more ME?!
I talked to my sister the night after my Lotus trip and woke up with good vibes the next morning, Thursday, September 16th. I had an slow, relaxing start to the day, showered and straightened my hair, took the train into NYC, and met Fran right outside of Penn Station. From the start of time together, everything was smooth and efficient and supportive.
Our first stop would be to Carol Hannah. Fran’s idea was to put an end to the big factory salon visits where I was treated like cattle, shoved into some dresses, and kicked out with a smile 45 minutes later. Her idea was to take me to a real designer boutique - where I’d be the only one trying anything on, and have full access to the collection and the stylist to chat fabrics and styles and possibilities. The visit was EXACTLY what needed to happen.
I was trying on gowns that started at $6,000 - already WAY over my budget. They were absolutely stunning, but each one not The One, and this visit allowed me to see that clearly. We talked tulle and capes and trains — tossed around ideas — UH! It was a good ol’ time.
The last dress I tired on was a fitted, painted organza dress with an asymmetrical train (…and $9,000 !!!), but it was a dreeeeeam dress. It was the most luxurious thing I think I’ve ever put on my body. If I were getting married in a castle atop a mountain in Italy, this most probably would have been my dress…
Alas, I have NEVER been an over-the-top fancy girl, and this dress did not give off the right vibe for the wedding I was actually having. So I moved on from it, and thought, if THAT AMAZING dress couldn’t get me to change my mind, then my sequins Jessica Rabbit dress is hands down - no doubt about it - THE ONE The One.
Our next stop was to Fran’s go-to seamstress Blanca, and if I tell you she was three doors down from the Carol Hannah salon, you wouldn’t believe me! Fran made this trip as smooth as butter, and that is so important to a burnt-out bride.
I walked in to the small NYC studio space and immediately felt calm and happy. I saw racks of clothing against the wall - which I assumed Blanca and her team had tailored or created. A bride walked out from the appointment smiling and excited to have been there. From the second I walked in, being there felt right. Then, I met Blanca. A tiny older woman with a soft, sweet voice and measuring tape around her neck nodding her head to everything Fran and I had discussed. This team! This duo! There were going to make my wedding dress dreams come true! I felt it in my bones.
Above you can see my fun innovative contribution to the appointment. Haa Haa! I had printed out photos of me in my dress and inspiration photos, etc. and slid them in plastic sleeves. I also brought a dry erase marker so that Fran and Blanca could draw on top of the images, sketch different ideas out, and erase when they were done! Both of them were tickled by this! Oh, I told them, just an old teacher trick I pulled out of my sleeve! Haa Haa! It was the cherry on top of an already awesome day.
It was a no brainer to commit to Blanca making two extra pieces for my Jessica Rabbit dress: (1) the overdress with sleeves for the ceremony, and (2) the super sheer peplum skirt to wear for most of the reception. (My simple sequins dress will be worn alone for the cake cutting and the after party. You guys, I’m obsessed!)
I had decided on a dress, and I had found the two ladies that were going to help me make it happen! YAY! To celebrate, Fran and I stopped into a bar nearby and I treated her to a cocktail. We cheers-ed and talked about our men and celebrated the start of us working together! What a relief!
I hope if you’ve gotten all the way to this point in this post, you’ve been able to take some gems away from this story. I know a wedding is just one day of thousands in your life, but it’s not every day you get to marry the man of your dreams in front of all the people you love. It’s not overrated to want to feel the most beautiful you’ve ever felt and wear something that screams “HERE WE COME, WORLD!”
I’m going to be a 37-year-old first-time bride. I have waited to find this man for almost 40 years. I have been to countless weddings of friends and family - so so happy for them - waiting patiently for it to be my turn. This wedding dress journey was tiring and stressful at times but was everything it needed to be. I was open, I was kind, and I was curious. I met Fran and Blanca. I got to practice managing my OCD, making decisions, and I faced my people-pleasing tendencies head on.
I am grateful that I don’t have to try on any more dresses, and excited about the decision I’ve arrived at. I trust my choices, I trust the people helping me make it happen, and I trust it’ll all unfold as it should. I’m relinquishing control and I’m going to just…TRUST.
Thank you for reading. On to the next decision…
